I have discovered three of my selves and am able to distinguish between them very clearly now.
1. DRUNK
Possibly the state I have come to fear the most, since it draws so much out of me. To put it better, I think drinking exhausts me emotionally. To live in this state of such sheer vulnerability, with absolute abandon of restrain speaks of its own short life.
2. COOL, ALMOST COLD
Now I don't know for sure where the cool began but it must have been one of the drunk gatherings when I must have said something with certain shamelessness that earned me this title. Truth is that cool is a tough card to play when it does not come to you naturally. As an adult who has read, seen and known enough of the world, I am expected to show that I am not amused by anything. When I am like this for days, I border on the cold, heartless and unfeeling, till someone points out the same and I burst into tears.
3. ZEN
This is my ideal self and I have begun to pine for it more often than not. I am steadily walking towards it, although some days it feels further away that I wished it were. This is also the only time when I embody the unabashedness of my drunk state, only that I am calm all that while. In this moment i also bring in the coolness of my second state without being pretentious.
The prime attraction of this state is clear thought and my ability to word it. It is also the best feeling I have ever felt.
1. DRUNK
Possibly the state I have come to fear the most, since it draws so much out of me. To put it better, I think drinking exhausts me emotionally. To live in this state of such sheer vulnerability, with absolute abandon of restrain speaks of its own short life.
2. COOL, ALMOST COLD
Now I don't know for sure where the cool began but it must have been one of the drunk gatherings when I must have said something with certain shamelessness that earned me this title. Truth is that cool is a tough card to play when it does not come to you naturally. As an adult who has read, seen and known enough of the world, I am expected to show that I am not amused by anything. When I am like this for days, I border on the cold, heartless and unfeeling, till someone points out the same and I burst into tears.
3. ZEN
This is my ideal self and I have begun to pine for it more often than not. I am steadily walking towards it, although some days it feels further away that I wished it were. This is also the only time when I embody the unabashedness of my drunk state, only that I am calm all that while. In this moment i also bring in the coolness of my second state without being pretentious.
The prime attraction of this state is clear thought and my ability to word it. It is also the best feeling I have ever felt.
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