Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Chapter 0

The problem is where do I start? Do I set off with narrating one of the highlights of my life to get you to think well of me or do I lay it out in the open right at the beginning? Do I reveal something personal in this very first exchange and fabricate a kind of intimacy with you? I'm not sure.

I've always taken my time to warm up to people. While most writers will worry if their readers will believe in their narrative, I doubt if I will believe you to be a faithful reader. Did you actively suspend your judgement to hear my story? Did your mind keep flitting away into the arms of an enthusiastic lover? Were you thinking about today's lunch? How do I know I have complete attention? See, that's why I keep hesitating in opening up.

The thing is I don't set out to tell a story story, you know what I mean? I know all writers keep talking about a skeleton you need to have at the onset. Otherwise both the speaker and the audience end up gaping at each other like fools. But see, I tell the best stories when I free myself of the baggage of having a particular style. My best friends tell me I utter the most profound truths when I'm no longer in control of what comes out of my mouth. I lose myself so heavily in the act of communicating something right from the heart - something so raw, powerful, and with a necessary conclusiveness about it that my audience sits back with amazement and goes home thinking someone revealed something essential about their lives.

But I can't do that now, precisely because I revealed that technique (or lack thereof) to you. I showed you my most vulnerable self and so now you will most certainly use this against me, if I actively get down to business. That's why I will have my doubts about you and you'll not get to hear my story today.