A woman's whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life. -Virginia Woolf

I’ve been spending a pretty uneventful summer break at home. I don’t like staying here all day and I don’t like to have too much time to kill but most of all I detest having nowhere to go to every morning. I sleep for long and I think about death, about life and life’s triviality. I yearn and I pine but my feet are cold, frozen. I don’t move. I think about love.  Love that’s lost, love that we would love to talk about because we have nothing else to do, but we cannot articulate it. Just a bunch of words we put together to make some sense, but don't.  Life that we are bound to, and the hours we keep running from but cannot. Cannot escape. The Hours. Insipid and unstimulating. Blown off in smoke.


A very good friend of mine leaves for another city tomorrow morning. She’ll be gone for a year.  I’m going to miss her.

Secret Lovers

Just sit here with me, by my side. You don't have to say nothing, just smile.

I know she said, 
That I don't need her, 
cause everytime I call, 
she's sitting sweeter, 

I know she said, 
to get near her, 
but I'm feeling cold, 
and I must leave her. 

Sat down here with my head hung down 
and I just seem to find 
a bit of peace, 
a bit of love, 
a bit of something left behind. 

Sat down here with my best intentions, 
nothing said, nothing lied, 
a bit of peace, 
a bit of love, 
a bit of something left inside. 

And my heart's content, 
I say that to please her, 
happiness is on her face, 
it's the mind that greets her, 
only my disgrace, 
to admit I need her, 
but we all fall from grace, 
dust me down and keep her. 

Sat down here with my head hung down 
and I just seem to find 
a bit of peace, 
a bit love, 
a bit of something left behind. 

Why does she go about cleaning the house when the home is broken?

Today is a special day. I am a round number now.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua2loiGHZ38

Perfectly Lonely

Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game 'round town
Tore out my heart, shut it down

I've always consciously avoided listening to John Mayer. He just makes me incredibly sad. He speaks the blatant truth,  his smooth voice runs down the throat like brandy would on a cold winter night. It is bittersweet. Makes me very uncomfortable.

You know how going places is one too many people's dream. How most people would just collect all of their life savings, put their home in a backpack and get the fuck out. You call them crazy because they are. They leave behind everything they have. Friends and lovers. Both old and new. With only memories to live by. They would sometimes send picture postcards during festive seasons. I envy those people the most.

I wish to share a moment with strangers, then turn to another street and forget them completely, never having to know them. I wish I could be that detached.  I wish that a quiet life didn't drive me mad. But most of all I wish to be perfectly lonely someday, just like him.

Mumbling #16

It helps me process and prioritize. It makes me call people I love. I even enjoy my music better. Alcohol is good. This is not a drunk post.I never lie when I have alcohol.